Dad Joke of the Day
DJotD 20240406
They told me my password had to have eight characters and a capital, so I chose
MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin
DJotD 20240404
I was going to tell you a chemistry joke but decided it wouldn’t produce a reaction.
DJotD 20240402
I wanted to use “beef-stew” as my password but the computer said it wasn’t stroganoff.
DJotD 20240331
What did the doctor say to the dwarf in the waiting room?
You’re going to have to be a little patient.
DJotD 20240329
So, a fly with a bug on its back asks it, “Hey are you a mite?”
The mite says, “I mite be”.
The fly groans and says, “That’s the worst joke I’ve ever heard!”
The mite replies, “What can I say, I came up with it on the fly!”
DJotD 20240328
What’s the longest word in the English language?
“Smiles.” The first and last letters are a mile apart!
DJotD 20240326
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
DJotD 20240324
Teacher: Can you name a country with no ‘R’!
Student: No way!
DJotD 20240322
You know what the first rule of passive-aggressive club is?
You know what, never mind. Forget it.
DJotD 20240320
Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”
Patient: “Well, might as well give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”
DJotD 20240319
You ever wonder why Waldo from Where’s Waldo wears a bright striped shirt?
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
DJotD 20240318
Speaking of driving… What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
An A-U-T-O-M-O-B-I-L-E
DJotD 20240317
In honor of St. Patrick’s Day I told the barista my best dad joke and she was Dublin over in laughter…
DJotD 20240316
Why did the accountant get gold teeth?
To put their money where their mouth is.
DJotD 20240315
Two goldfish are in a tank, one turns and says to the other, “I’ll man the gun, you steer.”
DJotD 20240314
As your father, I feel compelled to share some important information with you on Pie Day. Right now, a slice of pie costs (on average) $6.50 in Jamaica, $10 in Aruba, but only $5.50 in the Bahamas! Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.
DJotD 20240313
I just realized I’m really familiar with only 25 letters. I don’t know why.
DJotD 20240312
Did I ever tell you I used the play the triangle in a reggae band? It was fun for a while, but I had to quit because it was always just one ting after another.
DJotD 20240311
Man: Doctor I have got a short term memory problem. I forget things really fast.
Doctor: So, how long have you had this problem for?
Man: What problem?
DJotD 20240310
I always mix up entomology and etymology. It bugs me in a way I don’t have words for.